Once upon a time, there was the greatest football team in the whole of the North, the Newcastle Raiders. They played a university nobody had ever heard of before called Sheffield Hallam.
Newcastle Raiders superstar Henry Bulmer started off the first half in style by stealing the wheels off of the coach that Sheffield arrived in! This meant that they could no longer sing “The Wheels on the Bus” on their way home which made for a long silent return journey. Hallam were first on the scoreboard with a long pass over the middle caught and ran in from 50 yards.
Newcastle were quick to respond with International Wikipedia all-star James Green was then motioned into trips to avoid one of Sheffield’s seven dwarves then catching a 99-yd touchdown with his elbow!
The second half kicked off and the pressure was really starting to show for Hallam’s coaches with their wives leaving them for the superior physique of Kevatron(AKA Kevbot, AKA DJ Kev) whose genius scheme of “align, execute, win” was living rent-free in their heads.
As the 4th quarter closed out the game was looking sealed for Newcastle with their very own targeting superstar Matthew Sarsah putting in a great hit on the sideline referee for “Stepping in the wrong ends”. The referee in question is expected to make a full recovery in the Royal Victoria infirmary where Raiders medical student Harry Clark will be going above and beyond to ensure he can return to black and white next season.
Hallam were gracious in defeat with many players wishing the best to Newcastle for the national final.