Frank Schmyder Investigates… Can Kickers Wear Swag?

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Stress. It hits all football players at some point in their careers, whether it’s a receiver knowing he needs to make a catch, a linebacker knowing he’s got to make a goal-line stand or a quarterback knowing that all he needs to do is just get the ball into the running back’s hands and they’ll run the clock out.

Absolutely nothing compares to the stress of having to make a crucial coffin corner punt to pin the offence back when you’re only up by a couple or having seconds left on the clock, behind by two and having to kick a field goal or face the wrath of the entire team.

Both punters and kickers are lone warriors dealing with this stress on the field, with a wall of players stopping what they can, but with a rabid defence bearing down, foaming at the mouth with the kicker firmly in their sights.

All this being said, kickers and punters don’t half get mistreated. Frank took to the metaphorical streets and asked, ‘Can kickers wear swag?’

Turns out, yes they can. The majority have a heart. The majority want these good people to be rewarded with spangly boots and matching gloves so they can be involved in the ‘swag’. “Kickers are people too… Kickers can wear up to 3 swag items….. Ideally one boot and an eye patch… They need more swag to get them through the day of being on the sidelines… Bicep bands add punting distance…”

There are still some haters out there though, “Wankers, anyone can kick a ball… Punters yes, kickers nooooo… They are allowed one solitary cleat… Never… No, they should stay quiet…. Kickers should only be allowed out of their cage to kick the ball, then returned safely afterwards. Swag is not for them… No, unless they hit like Pat McAfee…”

So, if you kick a ball, wear whatever crazy ass shit you want, you’ve got the backing of most of your team. Some of them might still take the piss out of you, but on the whole, if you wanna wear chrome boots, a tinted visor and gloves that match your underpants, you crack on you beautiful ball of stress.


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