Frank Schmyder investigates… Sausage Rolls

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How many Greggs sausage rolls can you eat and still play a game?

The British economy, there’s no denying that there’s three methods of seeing where our economy is up to by looking at the cost of petrol, Freddos and Greggs sausage rolls. Some of the filthy rich out there might talk about house prices, but I can’t imagine many of those thinking that sticking a lid and shoulder pads on and knocking sh*te out of their mates on a Sunday afternoon is a good idea, so balls to them.

If you go back only a few years, the sausage roll made by the legendary Newcastle upon Tyne originating bakery was just above 30p, whereas now it’s well over a quid. However, with 9 grams of protein per roll, it’s an easy way to get those gains in. Just don’t look at the 12g of saturated fat per roll or the 329 calories, they don’t count, it’s Gameday after all and you’ve got to get fuel inside that engine of yours.

Now, the question is, what’s the tipping point. How many can you fit inside your belly and still put a shift in on the pitch of a Sunday afternoon?

From the people that spoke to me, it seems that the sweet spot is around 3 or 4. However, there were some highly controversial answers. Some preferring a McDonald’s, some saying they were ‘Still researching this…’ with one maniac saying that they thought Greggs was ‘trash’.

Always wanting to provide people with accurate data, I took all the numeric answers and (for those that remember GCSE maths all those years ago) worked out the ‘mean’ average of sausage rolls.

To ensure the maximum output on the field, you need to have 9.83 sausage rolls. Get 10 and leave a little bit for the pigeons/ seagulls depending on where you’re playing.

This has been a scientific exploration into a pastry based snack brought to you by Dr Frank Schmyder.

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