Frank Schmyder investigates… The Minimum WR Swag

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Believe it or not, there are players that think a ‘solid block’ is a bit of a tickle on the line, but know exactly where the cameras are and which is their best angle when they’re making a grab for a ball.

God bless ‘em, if we didn’t have wide receivers, we’d all be playing double wing football and while that’s some coaches idea of a wet dream, it can get a bit dull to watch. Power, sweep, reverse, power, reverse, pow……. Zzzzzzzz…. So football evolved into more of a passing affair with hitch routes, 10 and in routes and the old faithful fly route. Or, as it’s better known, ‘run like f**k and the QB will launch it somewhere in the same postcode as you…’

What makes a wide receiver a proper wide receiver though? Is it their ability to run quickly? Nah. Is it their ability to catch balls? While that still ranks highly, also nah. It’s their swag game.

As usual, Uncle Frank went out and got the information for you as to the minimum swag levels so you don’t have to.

As a proper minimum, you’ve got to have matching gear. No cross brands or cross colours, everything’s got to be exactly the same or just don’t even bother turning up on gameday. Oh and in terms of brand, if it’s not Nike or Under Armour, find a bin and get yourself in. If you’ve got cleats that are umbro or mitre? Pfft. Stay home and consider a different sport.

Bicep bands crop up regularly and range from 1 to 6 to 8 plus calf bands. If you read my earlier article, bicep bands could add 5% more athleticism, so we could be looking at a 40% increase in skills here folks.

Sleeves also pop up regularly, but never as an even number on the corresponding limbs. It’s either one sleeve, one arm sleeve and one leg sleeve or three sleeves with one arm having a top and a bottom sleeve. Or something. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what that was all about.

If all else fails, apparently anything considered a bit wacky will work; one suggesting a rubber ring and 4 gold chains, another an easter bonnet.

Either way, make an effort boys and girls otherwise spectators will look toward folk like the line in their mismatched swag, mitre boots, no sleeves and zero bicep bands, demanding that try harder with their swag game.

Balls to that, the line have a job to do, they can’t be frolicking around and catching the occasional ball here and there… Frank.

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